Ski jumping looks like a truly terrifying endeavor. It combines a few of my ultimate fears, like skiing and falling from high places. I would not make a good ski jumper. One of our little American guys totally just botched his landing. Like fell on his ass. But I find it really rather impressive that even when these guys bust ass, they just pop right up and go on down the hill. Last time I went skiing, I ended up sliding down the mountain on my butt. No popping for me.
But enough Olympic commentary. I was totally blindsided by a different type of gym douchebaggery this evening; I’m not sure why I never thought of it before, but there are lady douchebags out there too! And I saw many of them tonight, all with this one horrible habit: they don’t know how to use the machines. I don’t know if they can’t read the instructions or are just completely self-absorbed and hopefully deaf. That loud banging noise that happens when the weights slam together? That’s not good! It’s not supposed to do that! See how no one around you is doing it like that? I find it’s worst on the torso rotator (or as I prefer to see it, the ultimate back popping machine), where despite explicit instructions printed right at eye level, they somehow don’t comprehend that you’re supposed to do it one way and then the other, not all the way around all at once. And it would be one thing if it was an old person, or someone who looks like they haven’t stepped in a gym in thirty years. But it’s always a 95 lb teenage girl who looks like she’s spent 30 hours a week in a gym. Or throwing up after meals.
Speaking of too skinny for her own good, ice dancing is on! Skating is just something I could never get into. I have mad respect for the folks that can do it, and well at that. And this pair is skating to a Linkin Park song? What?!? Yeah, I liked it a lot better with the sound off. MUTE. Sorry. And why on earth is this guy dressed like a clock? My guess: preparing for his future career as Cogsworth for next year’s Disney on Ice.
For a second there, I wanted to think that someone should put together a badass Metal On Ice show. Like with Motorhead and ACDC. But there’s nothing metal about ice dancing. Hockey, maybe. Dancing? Not so much. Winter Olympics needs more full-contact sports. Less figure skating, more Rollerball. Let’s see some blood splatters on those sequins!
And that’s why I’ve never been chosen for an olympic committee.
Advertise with us!
Endless.com